Archive Monthly Archives: April 2021
My Favorite Post-Mastectomy Bras
It feels a bit strange to be writing about my intimate wear as I sit at Barnes and Noble sipping my decaf Americano. But I’m happy to do it because this is actually a question I get a lot as a breast cancer survivor. Part of my treatment was a double mastectomy with reconstruction. This is a major surgery that is often necessary for those walking this journey, and it’s one that leaves some lasting changes that I’ve had to get used to over time.
One of the things I found that needed to change after my surgery was the type of bra I wore. The location of the incisions made it difficult for me to wear any type of bra that had an underwire so those with that particular hardware were immediately ditched. Then there were the different stages of post-surgical healing that required different levels of support, so I went on the hunt for the styles and brands that could meet those needs. Here are a few of my favorites and why they worked!
This beautiful brand was founded by a fellow breast cancer survivor, Keira Kotler, who saw a need for intimate wear designed for women on this specific journey. I had the pleasure of “meeting” Keira, thanks to social media, and during our conversations was impressed by her passion for this niche. Each piece is created for comfort and the unique challenges that we as survivors face post-surgery. I think everything she has created is beautiful, but there are two styles that I think are essentials.
After a mastectomy there is a period of time when you are transitioning out of the surgical dressings and bandages and into a more “normal” bra. However, you are still slightly restricted with your arm movement so having a bra that is a front closure is key. This one is beautiful and it offers light compression to help with additional support. It’s one you can wear everyday and also for gentle exercise like yoga or pilates. This one also has no underwire which is essential!
This is a great everyday bra and perfect for post-mastectomy surgery. It was actually voted “Best Bra with a Combination of Beauty and Comfort for all Surgery Types” by Business Insider. It typically fits pretty snuggly to offer support, and it includes pockets with light padding. These pockets are also designed for prosthetic breast forms if needed. It’s great for all chest sizes. I personally love the lace detail and the multiple color choices.
Once I was at a place where I felt completely healed and comfortable wearing regular bras, I spent some quality time in the intimate section at Nordstrom in search of the most comfortable, yet supportive, everyday bra. I landed on the Wacoal Wire Free T-Shirt bra. What I love about this bra is the fact that it not only has no underwire, but it’s also lightly padded with a smooth front. It’s perfect for outfits that need that smooth undergarment look and also for shirts that are a little lower cut. The nice V-shape gives you separation so your chest doesn’t feel like one continuous piece. It also comes in a few different colors to mix it up a bit!
Coobie makes inexpensive seamless bras that I have found very useful for sleeping. I have found that there are nights when I feel like I need a little support, but I don’t want to wear a more structured bra. There are so many styles so I recommend checking out their entire website. Here is one of my favorites…
Coobie Scoopneck Cami Bra 9012
This bra is perfect for lounging or sleeping. It has no underwire and it also has lightweight removable pads if you want a little coverage. This is my go-to when I want a little bit of support but don’t want the fuss of a true bra.
Going through surgery whether it is a lumpectomy or a mastectomy can be daunting, but having the right bras to “support” you along the way will help make the process that much more manageable! And you can still feel feminine and beautiful too!
The Struggle of Being a Perfectionist
Hey! Where are my fellow perfectionist peeps at?! I’m calling all of you friends who can relate to the feeling of needing EVERYTHING that you do to be perfect. Let’s call it the “Midas Touch” of today. If we touch it, it better be gold. Friends, it’s a blessing and curse, right?
I admit that I am a struggling perfectionist. This has been something that I’ve had to battle since I was a child. The drive to do everything with the utmost excellence can be a great quality, and yet it can be a burden if we allow it to creep into the obsessive zone. I precariously teeter on that line, and I believe it’s how I’m wired. But over the past few years I’ve been working on finding a better way.
Perfectionism has some ugly side effects that I have definitely seen in my life. The first being “The Freeze.” I’ve often felt that if I can’t do something, and do it perfectly, then I’m just not going to do it. Period. This plagued me as a child big time. I remember being young and learning new skills like golf, for example. Okay, I know, probably not a great example to start off with. I personally think golf is one of the most frustrating skills to master on a good day, but stay with me here.
My parents did a great job of working to instill skills and hobbies that would be lifelong social assets as I was growing up. However, I often failed to stick with certain things because I couldn’t do them “perfectly” right off the bat. In golf I hit a few great shots, and then the rest sent 99% of the nearby woodland creatures, living near the golf course, running for the hills. So what did my perfectionist mind tell me in those situations? That’s right, if you can’t do it perfectly then don’t do it at all. And I quit taking lessons. There were many other examples of times when I didn’t even try a new skill because I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it perfectly, immediately. I like to call this, “The Freeze.”
“The Freeze” manifests itself in so many more ways, specifically if I’m working on a project. If the project has any ounce of creative attributes, I will often delay completing it or all together abandon it if I don’t think it looks or feels “perfect”.
The other side effect of perfectionism is self doubt. That nasty perfectionistic voice, many of us know so well, starts telling me that if I can’t do something perfectly, then I must not be good enough or truly called to do that work. Hence, I become extremely hard on myself and critical.
Is this resonating with you at all? Because I know I’m not the only one out there that feels this way. But here’s the good news. YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT. Hallewooyah, pa-wayze da Lord! (as my daughter used to yell around the house as a three year old.)
God didn’t call us to be perfect. That’s why He sent His son Jesus to this earth. He is the ONLY one who is and ever was perfect so why are we putting that burden on ourselves?
Corinthians 12:9 says, “Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”
The first thing we need to do is embrace who we are and all of the weaknesses that we have. We ALL have weaknesses and that’s okay! We aren’t going to do everything perfectly, but that’s the cool part. When we let Christ into those areas of weakness HE will show up with His strength and downright awesomeness to fill in where we lack.
The other area that us perfectionists need to constantly keep in check is PRIDE. Ouch. Yep, I said it. We are prideful! Isn’t that the true root of why we feel we need to be perfect? It’s because we are concerned with how we look to others. If what we do or create isn’t perfect then someone else might think we aren’t talented, good enough, or as fabulous as whatever the “best of the best” is out there. Whenever my pride starts creeping in over a project I’m working on, I run to a very specific Bible verse. This is my weapon I use to fight that sneaky, flaming, pride dart.
Colossians 3:23-24 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord.”
Everything we do, and I mean EVERYTHING, should have a heavenly focus. Is what you are doing pleasing the Lord or are you trying to please people? When I started making this focus a priority and filtering everything I did through it, I found so much peace! I stopped worrying about what other people thought of me and my efforts and it was so freeing! However, it’s still something I have to continually check myself on because pride is a cunning adversary.
I have a sneaking suspicion that some of you fellow perfectionists are screaming right now, “But Jamie! Are you saying I shouldn’t care about the quality of my work and completely chuck all desire to make what I do really really good?” Heck no! You are wired the way you are for a reason! I believe that God calls us to a life of EXCELLENCE! There is a big difference between excellence and perfection. God doesn’t want second class products because He is far from second class. So do your best in all you do! But don’t let the fear of it not being perfect stop you from putting it out there.
Staci Wallace, a dear friend of mine who is full of Godly wisdom, has taught me this.
“Progress over perfection.”
Just do something! Don’t let your fear of not being perfect paralyze you and hold back the thing that God wants released into this world through you. You’re not perfect, but He is! Let yourself off the hook and start partnering with the One who can make everything you touch HIS version of gold.
How Not to Say, “What Do You Say?”
When my girls were very young I often felt like a broken record. Every single day, this was the phrase that came out of my mouth multiple times, “What do you say?” “Girls, that gentleman just opened the door for you, what do you say?” Or, “Ladies, the nice waitress just gave you your milk, what do you say?” ARGH! Stop the madness! I can’t tell you how much that got on my nerves. The constant reminders to use their manners and say, “Thank you,” was enough to drive me up a wall.
For me, I knew that this four word phrase was ranking up there with Chinese water torture, so I could only imagine how annoying it must have been for the girls. But moms, you get it, this is one of those high-ranking parenting necessities that we all have to check off that elusive “Stellar Parent To-Do” list. We want children who are polite, respectful, and innately grateful! And we all know, our kids are flawed humans just like their parents, but just on a smaller scale.
But seriously, there had to be a better way than the constant parrot-like harping and reminding to say a simple thank you. I was determined to find another way and so I started DOING what I was preaching in a more intentional manner. And bingo. It started working. Here’s what I did.
Disclaimer: this isn’t rocket science, but I’ve seen some cool behaviors come from this so here we go.
Instead of constantly pulling out the, “What do you say?” verbiage when the situation called for it, I began finding more reasons and situations for ME to say “thank you” in front of them. For example, every single time we eat out at a restaurant as a family, and my husband pays the bill, when we get up to leave I always thank him for our meal. Every. Single. Time. I didn’t specifically tell the girls to thank him, but I made sure they saw me do it. Then guess what? One day, one of the girls beat me to it! I almost fell out of my chair. She said, “Thank you Daddy for the food!” And before I knew it, it became a habit that my girls are usually very good about doing consistently.
My husband does the same for me when I cook at home. He makes a point to thank me for the food I’ve prepared, and it’s becoming a modeled behavior that the girls are picking up on and doing themselves without being reminded. It’s a beautiful thing to watch! (It’s especially nice, on those nights when they think what I’ve cooked looks and tastes like something you might find on a distant planet. And oftentimes the restraint in making that fact well known to all at the table is non-existent. Still working on that one, folks.)
This goes for so many other situations and instances. Pretty much anytime that a “thank you” is necessary, make sure your kids see YOU doing it and doing it with confidence. Don’t get me wrong, there are definitely still times when a little reminder nudge is needed, but over time I have seen this become an expected behavior. I haven’t had to solely rely on the annoying, “What do you say?” reminders.
Again, I know this isn’t some earth shattering concept, but it was a huge reminder for me that our kids are watching everything we do. It’s a real time version of “Monkey See, Monkey Do” so if you want your kids to act a certain way, be the example that you want them to become!
Guess What? You’re an Influencer!
When I think about this idea of an “influencer”, I immediately think of the many men and women with massive, beautifully curated, social media accounts with epic numbers of followers. Many are celebrities with thousands, or even millions, of people watching their every move. These influencers share everything from what they ate for lunch to what brand of shoes they are wearing for their morning jog. Most times, their motivation is a desire to sell a product, or promote their latest creative project.
Few of us can relate to this type of influential status, or what it might feel like to have this kind of grand scale impact on those around us. However, I’m realizing that we ALL are “influencers” and should live with a mindset of having influence on others. We may not have thousands of people “following” us, but we do have the ability to positively affect the immediate sphere of those we come in contact with.
If you’re a mom, you’re an influencer. If you’re a grandparent, you’re an influencer. A teacher, a friend, a neighbor, that’s right…you’re an influencer. God calls us to be salt and light to the world. He didn’t say that the only way to do that was to have a wildly successful “brand” or an uber engaged Facebook following. He’s also talking to all of us normal people.
God has put you where you are for a reason. There are people around you that are searching for love and truth, and God wants you to use your influence to show them just that. Think of “influence” as proximity. You may be the closest thing to goodness and the love of Christ that the people around you will ever see. Be a light! (a.k.a. an influencer!) Proverbs 12:26 says, “One who is righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.”
Challenge yourself to get out of your “influence comfort zone”. Do something that stretches you a bit. I personally took on this challenge for myself awhile back when I was having some issues with my computer. I was extremely frustrated with a software update that wasn’t working correctly so I called the Apple customer service phone line to get some assistance. I was connected to a very patient young man that stayed on the phone with me for over an hour making sure everything was updated and working as it should. We were about to end the call when I decided to just throw it out there. I said, “Hey, you’ve been so kind and helpful today. We are a praying family and I was wondering if I could pray for you quickly before we hang up?” (Then I held my breath and squinted my eyes in panicked anticipation of what he might say.) Surprisingly, he was very receptive, and I was able to pray for his family and more specifically, protection over his two year old daughter. After I was finished, he seemed absolutely taken back and grateful that I would do that for him.
I’ll never know the long term effects that this prayer had on that gentleman, but I did my part by planting a seed. Simply planting seeds of light for others can often be the start of something really beautiful that God will water and grow into maturity.
Use your influence through your actions and by doing random acts of kindness for people.
Matthew 5:16 says, “In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”
There is so much hurt and falsehood in the world today, but you have the opportunity to show someone the opposite of that. Where does God have you placed in this moment, and what giftings do you have that can be used for positive influence. Are you dripping God’s truth into everything you do? Now more than ever, we need people to stand up and operate in the authority that God has given us to be a positive influence on others. Remember, YOU are an influencer so start thinking like one!